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Tuesday, June 8, 2010


1)it has been awhile since i blogg...maybe its true what pple said, ull do smth when u are triggerd emotionally.

2)have not been blogging because i cant expressed myself for all of the things that had happend.it happened so fast, very fast that it slipped, and just happened.
3)i was helplaess, alone and i decided to for most of the time, isolate myself and just haf that alone moment to think and tell myself , to myself;by myself on what had just happend.
4)studies was challenging.but my life as a whole grant me total package, thanks to God.
5)my silver lining after the heavy rains was clear, and so i rise and hit the world back, with a smile, partially because i believe i deserve to smile and be happy again.
6)love.i broke up from my 2 years relationship and im glad that i had my friends with me, esp my mum all the way through the hard time.im lucky that im still alive that i did not committed suicide.hahahahha...
7)this semester was a long life lesson.rented a house, learnt how to manage living with housemates, time managemnt to clean the house, money issues, life isssues, frens issues, trust issues, family issues...etc..etc...
8)my so called dad.i was there, creating a bond with him.and he was there, for sometimes, but he decided to go away again because he cant accept the truth.this is what i call.a life story.he was never really there.so.tell me, issit my fault when i proposed a new, a fresh start for both of us, but he kept living with his cliche old attitude?
lemme tell u that,...forever, forever..ull be my dad.and for the fact that i know that ull be reading this post..i hope u learn. and read, and most importanatly, try to understannd me, my munm ,and iewan.u left us when i was sooo, verry , verry young that honestly i just donnt noe, the feeelings of having a dad.dad?menas nothing to me.u cant blame me, because we never really talk.u never really know me,u heard stories bout me from onther pple and u judge me from this ridiculous words of mouth.its not fair. i was there in bintulu when u wabnted me there.but u remember what happened?u remember?
u remember the words u uttered to me that makes me cry endlessly in the hotel lobby and the washroom?do u remember how many hours i cried foe u?foe all this family system?or maybe u haf zero ideas bout all this thing im saying because, simply ...because..u just dont care.but its ok..its ok.i forgive u.
it was my birthday,and for the whole week, every night before i sleep, i was drained in my own tears.., as i think about how unfortunate my life was.i was so near to u, but u barely even look at my face.was there beside u , but to hear u ask on how am i doing or...asking me bout my life, mu school, my hobby, or just about anything was only my pure hallucination.
9)im done crying for u.hopefully, ull undersatand.im 21 years now and im not sure wether u are aware of that.
10)ill stop writting bout u for now, because, its ur loss if u abandoned me.u need me when ur old.susah senang kita x tahu.bila masa dibawah, masa diatas, masa sakit, masa sehat.ull need me, and iewan one day.so , stop all this drama.
11)this holiday, i decided not to go back to Kuching, partly because my heart is still in pain, conflicting like the cosmic flames.i cant relly decide.2 weeks, i was all alone at home, bein mental.but i had fun..i enjoy the loneliness..bein lonely is not entirely bad after all.makes me a better person.**

Thursday, March 11, 2010

apabila dah susah nak ditegur

1)semua ibu bapa sedaya upaya mendidik anak anak dgn sempurna.sila note bahaa lain lain family lain lain cara mendidik.ada ibu bapa yg memanjakan anak sampaikan kerja rumah semua beres ditanggung bibik aau mak bapak.bagi ibu bapa golongan ini, itu lah yang sepatutnya, anak anak jgn disusah kan.nanti tak ada masa belajar la, tangan kasar, etc. ada juga yang mendidik anak anak untuk hidup mengenal erti kesusahan. hidup mesti diteruskan, kerja rumah mesti tahu buat, bagi i tats the way to go.


Tuesday, February 23, 2010



Sunday, February 21, 2010


im nobody comin up here, comin to the hood, raising to the top. watchout. nobody do it like me.

imagine-john lennon

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Saturday, February 20, 2010

im progressing

1) salams, i just woke up tadik and braaahhhh...!!!brrrrr!!!! im now drinkin koka kola... thats my current hot tea i supposed, oh too much as breakfast. wink!

2)just woke up from my sleep.. wonder what happened in my dream justnow. i remember luke , emer and his indian fren jadi pelakon, and berlakon with Ella, the rock lady?and she was fucking nude in d movie, primiere in malaysia.weh!i was supposed to jadi pelakon, not luqman la b!!ok, that was menggelikan to see ella telanjang tho. body?not hot la in my mimpi justnow.
3)received berbelas belas msges bila sedar from tdo. my mum just send my adik to the bus terminal coz his heading back to uitm mukah cya...
4)my mum told me that she will start doing biscuit to sell as to menambah pendapatan.mencari rezeki yang halal. we r facing financial problem bha.. btw, my mum also do cupcakes in kuching. feel free to order sekiranya berminat, this is her num0178042319,hayati.she also do some hantaran perkahwinan , and u also can inquiry for jahitan manik d baju kurung servis.(oh my god.. my sentence hancoo ehh)
5)facebook adalah tempat saya "berjumpa" dgn kwn kwn yg da lama terpiasah.. i like it in the way .however, i dont spill everything i do in fb. wow. i knw some of thm do..motif?
i assume, nak cpt glamer la ya..and facebook merupakan sumber esp for couple of frens to kelaiee, i mean bergadoh. issues arises as pictures gives millions of expresssion towards those who r seing it.it a lil sad to see, "my frens" yg culture shock. dulu bertudung , now tidak, dulu baju bertutup tapi now hot pants is their baju kurung,before teh o ice limau now jadi jack daniels..hahaha.. i dont even fuckin noe wether i spell that one rite, lets try spelling heinieken. betol ka?wtv la ryte, as long as u got what i meant.love ya.
6) and ada kononya kwn , makan kwn, bila kwn da malas nak layan, kwn da touching baruk pandey nak bercarik balit. hipokrit abiss.
7)Bonny, omg.
8)i urge.. watch THE ARRIVALS ON YOU TUBE.
9)AND definitely, im glad to be alive .thanks for Luqman mazlan. for the company and understanding b.
10)i hope Bonny Leong sedar, and boleh menjadi seorng bapa. dah umur me da21 da tok, i never feel anyhing in relation to having a dad.i just know that i hate him before.
daym.before jak ka?
nop.i hope Allah bukak kan hatinya.kenal tanggungjawab.me n iewan tok anak kandung nya bha.sometimes i wish i dint kenal cpa bapak me mun da mala nyusah ati gtok eh. i haf no money now.so help me bha. that is what at learst u can do bha.
11) i pity iewan.remaja.macam macam la keinginan. mok ya, mok tok, mok g cney la... tapi we cannot polah gya. we sik mampu bha
kesian. sik hall la me sikda, sik hal, tapi me pity iewan juak bha. he is still nembiak.kdg kdg sik phm penderitaan mak. apa perasaan seorang ibu bila anak mintak smth and she dapat provide??
mesti nya rasa kecewa like she is a failure, like she is so lemah so miskin so terok ryte?
i know my mum sedeh for all she wants bha.. tapi me janji that nasib family kita akan berubah. tho im not smatr akademically, but i ca see myself on top kelak. i dont know. but i knw im some1 special. i can do things . i can survive.im living life with purpose,i dint hafal or faham apa lect padah dalam kelas tapi trust me, i now there is something for me.ive been the black sheep since kecik and its a curse. still until now im still the blacksheep bha. angga[ tok ujian dari Allah .

will it be a come back?

hey.. hello..

i was asked by several people regarding y blog..like y issit only pictures and no word?
barely nothing about me, my life, etc...
i really dunntnoe what to answer that question though deep inside me me knew the answer bha..
1)mungkin me still cant get the whole grip of myself.. im still not over the past..ie family matters, friends, debate, and my studies.
2)i know that setiap yang berlaku terhadap setiap insan ada hikmah nya..
setiap yg terjadi adalah ujian dari ALLAH SWT.im no so religious, nor i knew much on religious matter, im no parfeit not perfect, as im only a human being like you.
3)i believe i destiny , fate, the qadak and qadar in life. i believe that things are fated, are well planed for us, for me, you, my mum , my brothe my nenek..(i miss tem so much) so as my beloved lovely aunties, cousin , nephew, and all the rest bloodlines.
4) call me gai, or poyo, or author wanna be, i dont care. read it , feel it, enjoy it , hate it , shit on my writtings , seriusly , i dont care, we enjoyed it as much now. so ho really cares.thank u.
5)what are we mde of?
in my humble words, i supposed we are all made of pure honest soul, in which we are placed in a tool ; so called body. our physical.
6)so as i recall, most of us fed our physical needs more than our soul. sedangkan, our body is only a medium for us to achieve the ultimate soul needs (in which i include Iman). again, im no perfect.i own little knowledge, just thinking bout this, now that im writting it here.
7)kiri kanan, left and right, apa yg most of all kejar?money, cars, women, big houses, pangkat, power, more and more amazing branded cloth, shoes, diamonds ring.. etc.. and to the extend that we human being cant get enuf of all the materialistic temtation, that we end up changing our sexuality because one day wewoke up and feels like woh!maybe its tyme to wore a dress instead of the usual soccer pants. they change their sexuality, not to mentioned those who had changed their physical look not for any medical requirement, but merely because their nose arent sharp enuf, or their boobs are too small and that small boobs is not sexy enuf that it should be bigger, or simply because my eyes look to small that i look like im sleepy and that i hate it.. oh how about their celebrity idol own the goddess body that they just need to haf such body too?
familiar isnt?ill said very.
8)we never will get enuf, though we had it all, we still want more.tahts y, i believe wtv happends, me haf to bersyukur. though i was raised only by my mum, i am glad that at least i haf a mumm.at least i haf her as my shellter, my umbrella, my air, my very best friend, my love, my life.. basically my mum is muy inner strength to carry on with all the things i do. my life is hers. i love my mum. thanks mak to jaga me tyme me sakit, to berik me makan, susu, jaga me tyme me demam, to be there for me trough all the ups and down in my life. i know, without u , i cant barely stands.
9)though im not as extra lucky like my other friends, but well, maybe im not lucky back then, maybe in the comin future ryte?crossed finger, amin. its a lie if sik pernah rasa jealous to c my other friends, perfect family, vacation during school holidays, can go shopping la apa, but sik hall la.. i know siapa myself, face the fact, my family belum mampu to lavish lavish gya.
so ill worked hard for alll those kelak, hanta my mum g haj, me n iewan and ninek g sekali..issyaAllah. amin.
10)apa apa pun sik rugi bila dibesarkan dalam keadaan yg agak i think mengenal erti kesusahan, struggle, survival. u can throw me anywhere n the world, insyaAllah, i can survive.
11)thanks to all, muy mum, iewan, ninek, (semoga dipanjangkan umur dgn kesihatan yg baik, dimurahkan rezeki and may He shines His lights on us .dikuatkan iman and semangat, semoga kita tidak lalai dan sentiasa reha, berusaha dan tawakal dgn yang Maha Besar,Allah)

will it be a come back?

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Wednesday, February 10, 2010



yeahh... thats what i want currently...


felt so lazy few days back...

gotta put myself back together.. and definitely n the mood to PARRRTTTYYYY!!!!

Saturday, January 30, 2010





the BF l,TO thE y