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Tuesday, June 8, 2010


1)it has been awhile since i blogg...maybe its true what pple said, ull do smth when u are triggerd emotionally.

2)have not been blogging because i cant expressed myself for all of the things that had happend.it happened so fast, very fast that it slipped, and just happened.
3)i was helplaess, alone and i decided to for most of the time, isolate myself and just haf that alone moment to think and tell myself , to myself;by myself on what had just happend.
4)studies was challenging.but my life as a whole grant me total package, thanks to God.
5)my silver lining after the heavy rains was clear, and so i rise and hit the world back, with a smile, partially because i believe i deserve to smile and be happy again.
6)love.i broke up from my 2 years relationship and im glad that i had my friends with me, esp my mum all the way through the hard time.im lucky that im still alive that i did not committed suicide.hahahahha...
7)this semester was a long life lesson.rented a house, learnt how to manage living with housemates, time managemnt to clean the house, money issues, life isssues, frens issues, trust issues, family issues...etc..etc...
8)my so called dad.i was there, creating a bond with him.and he was there, for sometimes, but he decided to go away again because he cant accept the truth.this is what i call.a life story.he was never really there.so.tell me, issit my fault when i proposed a new, a fresh start for both of us, but he kept living with his cliche old attitude?
lemme tell u that,...forever, forever..ull be my dad.and for the fact that i know that ull be reading this post..i hope u learn. and read, and most importanatly, try to understannd me, my munm ,and iewan.u left us when i was sooo, verry , verry young that honestly i just donnt noe, the feeelings of having a dad.dad?menas nothing to me.u cant blame me, because we never really talk.u never really know me,u heard stories bout me from onther pple and u judge me from this ridiculous words of mouth.its not fair. i was there in bintulu when u wabnted me there.but u remember what happened?u remember?
u remember the words u uttered to me that makes me cry endlessly in the hotel lobby and the washroom?do u remember how many hours i cried foe u?foe all this family system?or maybe u haf zero ideas bout all this thing im saying because, simply ...because..u just dont care.but its ok..its ok.i forgive u.
it was my birthday,and for the whole week, every night before i sleep, i was drained in my own tears.., as i think about how unfortunate my life was.i was so near to u, but u barely even look at my face.was there beside u , but to hear u ask on how am i doing or...asking me bout my life, mu school, my hobby, or just about anything was only my pure hallucination.
9)im done crying for u.hopefully, ull undersatand.im 21 years now and im not sure wether u are aware of that.
10)ill stop writting bout u for now, because, its ur loss if u abandoned me.u need me when ur old.susah senang kita x tahu.bila masa dibawah, masa diatas, masa sakit, masa sehat.ull need me, and iewan one day.so , stop all this drama.
11)this holiday, i decided not to go back to Kuching, partly because my heart is still in pain, conflicting like the cosmic flames.i cant relly decide.2 weeks, i was all alone at home, bein mental.but i had fun..i enjoy the loneliness..bein lonely is not entirely bad after all.makes me a better person.**